The Hairdresser's Guide to Enlightenment

The Ride of Your Life!

2009-12-09T13:45:00Z

I've always loved amusement park rides, especially ones where I feel transported to another time or place. For example, since I was a kid, I've wished I could somehow live in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. It has all the ingredients of a perfect adventure; the relaxing float through the nighttime bayou, the mystery of navigating the dark tunnel passage, the excitement of plummeting down the waterfall, and the wonderful sights and sounds of treasure hunting and pirate battles. It’s amazing! No matter how many times I ride that ride I am forever thrilled by all the twists and turns of it.

I think what I love most about rides in general is that all I have to do is get in, sit back and observe the wonder! I laugh, I squirm, I relax, it's over and then I get to do it over again! It occurred to me recently how much life is like that. Plenty of unexpected twists and turns, sights and sounds, battles, buried treasure… If only we could use this same "ride" perspective to more joyfully navigate it. All it takes is an adventurous spirit, a little trust, and desire for a more empowered way of living.

What if like a ride, your life was constantly unfolding for your enjoyment, fulfillment and expansion? What if you didn't have to DO anything but get on board and go with the flow? What if you could experience the quiet times, the unknowable times, and unexpected rises and falls of life for what they are…temporary parts of a never-ending journey towards what you've been asking for? What might be different for you if you could trust that life was safe and relax into it? What might be possible if you let yourself be immersed into the adventure?

While I was standing on the side of the road the other day after my new car unexpectedly broke down, (the one I bought so I wouldn’t have car trouble) I resisted the urge to go down that old familiar road of frustration and fear and instead, called the tow truck and watched the adventure unfold. I had a great phone call with a friend that I would’ve missed if I had made it to my meeting, I connected with the sweetest Soul that was my tow truck driver and I got to experience the lovely support of amazing friends that have come out of everywhere to help me with my transportation needs.

Despite what my trained mind would have me believe, my world didn’t come to an end because my “plan” didn’t work out. In fact, everything worked out just fine…better than fine actually. I was even able to accomplish some overlooked tasks because I’ve been home more. I always thought I had to “go somewhere” to feed my adventurous Soul but as it turns out, every day is an adventure if I choose to view it that way.

Life is forever unfolding in whatever way it does. I can sit back and relax into it, noticing what is being created to support myself or others, or I can tense up and resist it by complaining or stressing out. To my amazement, I keep finding that the ride I’m on is constantly bringing me to places that I’ve always wanted to go!

Me and My Shadow

2009-11-13T18:20:00Z

As someone committed to fully being ME, you’d think I would’ve gotten this before but I have to admit, I’ve only recently really integrated the whole knowledge of “shadow selves” into wisdom. Not familiar with the term? Let me put it this way, the Shadow refers to any part of yourself that you think isn’t good. Any part of your life or behavior that brings about feelings of shame, not good enough, disgust, embarrassment, etc.

I’ve attending countless workshops and seminars throughout the years and although I’ve read about, heard of, and even worked on my own shadow numerous times along the way, pinning it down in my day to day life had proven challenging to say the least. I mean, they call it a shadow for a reason people! When we believe something about us is so bad that we will be judged, hurt or not loved because of it, we become quite skilled at trying to hide it. Thankfully, we live in a friendly universe and the principal “what we resist persists.” is it’s way of supporting us to wholeness. Our Soul knows that in order for us to live a joy filled life, we must love ourselves fully and to do that, we must become aware of and make peace with the parts of ourselves we’ve disowned. This fact raised 2 very important questions for me.

1. Where do I look to find my Shadow?

And

2. What do I do with it when I find it?

With the following insights, working with my shadow has been easier than I had thought and the clues pointing to it are everywhere!

Look for your shadow in these hiding places...

What really bugs you about someone else? Messengers (the people around us) are one of our Soul’s main ways of showing us what we most need to know. Our messengers often act as mirrors to show us what we don’t like about ourselves by exhibiting that exact behavior. When you notice something you don’t like in someone else you’ve found shadow. Ask yourself, “Have I ever done that to myself or to others? Do I make myself wrong when I do? (For more info on this see my video “Mirror, mirror on the wall”).

Where do you edit your behavior or words, in order to gain love, approval or acceptance? Pay attention to when you say yes when you want to say no and where you take special pains to edit yourself when speaking, writing or dressing, to appear a certain way. What do you not want people to think about you? The answer to that question is a shadow. Make friends with that character trait by noticing the good aspects of it. For example; if you want to appear “professional”, what are some benefits of being more “natural”?

Where do you over compensate with extreme behavior? Another great question to ask yourself is, “What do I pride myself for?” Is it being responsible, a good friend, beautiful? A great place to look for the shadow is the opposite of what you consider to be your best traits. Typically when we place a lot of importance on being something we perceive as good, we will find within ourselves an aversion to the opposite of that trait.

In my case, my “badge of honor” was being independent and strong. What was the shadow I was trying to avoid? It was being dependent and vulnerable. After all, the last time I embraced those traits, I got my heart broken. While I became quite good at being a one woman army, in the process I threw out my ability to connect deeply in an intimate relationship with a man. How, you ask? Because 1. It’s impossible to love deeply without being vulnerable and 2. In order to foster passion in relationship it takes the polarity of me embracing my feminine nature and allowing myself to be “taken care of”. BINGO! SHADOW!

Now let’s tackle question 2. What do I do with my shadow once I find it?

The answer…. (Drum roll please) Anything you can to embrace it and come to peace with it. Here are a couple tips.

Realize the benefits of that aspect that you are trying to hide. Every so called “negative” trait, when in balance, is an amazing and life enhancing quality. For example; stubbornness at its best is determined, irresponsible at its best is carefree. Balance is the key!!

Recognize that you are not always one trait…bad or good. Let’s face it. I might be selfish sometimes but there are plenty of times when I’m generous. Polarity exists in each of us and for as much dark as we have, there is light to balance it. Sometimes being selfish is necessary in order to create boundaries etc.

See yourself as a child would see itself. A child would never put itself down because it got angry. A child would never make itself wrong because it moved away from something it didn’t want and moved towards what it did!! When dealing with the shadow, do your best to cut out all the learned beliefs about your behavior or your feelings and love the heck outta yourself instead! There is no right or wrong, there is just… what is.

In closing, the extra added benefit to “shadow work “is all the renewed ENERGY you will find for all the things that matter most to you! Like Debbie Ford says, “trying to repress the shadow is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater.” In short my friends, it takes a lot of work and it’s EXHAUSTING!” Give yourself the freedom that accepting all parts of you brings! You, after all, are the only YOU there is. No one else is better qualified at being that!!

Soul-utions for Confusion Part 1

2009-09-25T18:31:00Z

Wouldn't a little sign be helpful for some direction? Thankfully, one is never more than a feeling away!
http://blog.thehairdressersguidetoenlightenment.com/2009/09/25/soulutions-for-confusion-part-1.aspx

The Guinea Pigs of Change

2009-06-18T23:21:00Z

Ummm...you say you want something different but you're still doing the same things. What gives? Stop the insanity and become a Guinea Pig of Change! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWwshmEvBkM ...

Multi-tasking life away...

2009-05-14T01:34:00Z

I'm all about being efficient but really...have we taken it a bit too far? Learn the Zen way to living Enlightened!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMWnCfG1myY

The Sybil Syndrome

2009-04-14T02:18:00Z

There’s just something about writing that makes my heart sing! It’s the same feeling I get when doing any of the things that I’m good at or enjoy. I feel easy, relaxed and happy… and do you know why??? It’s because when I’m doing the things I WANT to do, I’m tuned into my Soul’s voice. That’s what the Soul does. It inspires, uplifts and makes life pleasurable.

Now let’s talk about that other voice, shall we? You know the one that says, “If you do that then… ” Or “You can’t do that because…”, or “The only way you can do that is by… (insert something that you don’t want to do here). Ringing any bells? Yea, I thought it might.

I’m sure that some of you, at least the ones around my age, remember the movie “Sybil”, starring Sally Fields back in the 1970’s? It was a true story about a disturbed woman who suffered from multiple personality disorder, now called dissociative identity disorder. Dr. Cornelia Wilbur (Joanne Woodward), a kindhearted psychiatrist, commits to helping Sybil heal the incredible wounds that were created during her, let me just say, freaky childhood. (Can you say Worst. Mother. Ever?) In the process, the doctor uncovers 16 personalities (yes, I said 16!) that Sybil’s subconscious had created in order to help her survive her youth. Eventually, with lots of love and guidance, Dr. Wilbur is finally able to integrate and heal Sybil’s inner selves, and restore her to a productive life… but it definitely took a lot of work!

I’ve realized an eerie resemblance to good ole Sybil in my own life and I don’t think I’m alone. Sure my symptoms weren’t as easy to diagnose, but in certain life situations, I have definitely experienced shifts in my personality that left me or others around me saying, “Whoa! Where in the hell did that come from?!” Think about your own life for a second. Has a “rebellious self” ever showed up when you thought someone was trying to control you, or has an “obedient self” ever arrived when you were worried about getting in trouble? Have you ever noticed the company of a “parent-like self “or a “child-like self” showing up on occasion? If not, ask some of your family or friends. I’m pretty certain they’d be happy to help you out here…lol!

Contrary to what you might think, I don’t believe these “personalities” are bad, in fact, I believe that just like in Sybil’s case, they were created to help us through times in our lives when we felt we needed to be different in order to survive, fit in, or be loved. The problem is that most of us no longer need that kind of help but haven’t bothered to give our alter egos the memo. Instead, we walk around like a bunch of schizos while those old selves wreak havoc on our lives.

A perfect example of this was my story “The Mess Monster”, shared in a previous newsletter. If you missed that one, click here. It’s a doozie!

If you’re still not convinced this pertains to you, ask yourself these questions. Have you ever found yourself moving towards a dream or goal but experienced that… 2 steps forward, 3 steps back thing? Or ,has the thought ever crossed your mind that you might be sabotaging your own success and don’t know why or how to stop it? If so, chances are you have The Sybil Syndrome and your ‘peeps’ could use your attention. Worried? Don’t be. It’s entirely possible to catch these personalities up to speed with your new life and enlist them in helping with your Soul’s goals. Once you do, you’re on easy street, driving your way to a fun, fulfilling life that you LOVE!! All it takes is 2 powerful steps and here they are now!

1. Recognize the difference between your Souls voice and the Personality’s voice.

2 Align all stuck personalities with your Soul’s goals and visions.

Step 1 Recognize the difference between your Souls voice and the Personality’s voice. Let’s face it; if you can’t tell the difference between your Soul’s voice and one of those dang personalities, you’re doomed. The good news is that it’s easy to decipher because one sounds really positive (SOUL) and the other one doesn’t (PERSONALITY). The trickiest part of the equation is trusting that you can actually follow your Souls voice and let life be easy… but that’s another story. One book that really helped me was “Divine Guidance” by Doreen Virtue. In Doreen’s book she explains in great detail the way our soul communicates with us and shows us that if we listen, our soul will always direct us to our highest good. She’s even gone so far as to include a full list of distinctions on page 91 to make it even easier. Virtue is a Ph.D. turned Angel communicator and has volumes of wonderful information to share. If your goal is living a joy-filled life, this book will cut your learning curve in half! It sure helped me!

Step 2 Aligning the Personality with your Soul’s goals and Visions. This may sound impossible without the aid of a therapist, (lol) but I’ve recently come across a book that contains a fantastic meditation for this process. I have already experienced some amazing results and consequently have shared it with many clients and friends. Between you and me, I’ve already done it 3 times and it is a total trip!! The meditation is from the book “Soul Love, Awakening the Heart Centers”, by Sanaya Roman and it basically walks you through the process of coming face to face with and evolving your other selves. The great news is that even if you have 16 of those little buggers like Sybil, you can just read the meditation over and over again until you get em all! After all, it only takes about 10 minutes (nothing compared therapy!!) If you’ve never heard of her, Sanaya Roman is fabulous. She channels a non physical being named Orin and OMG, let me just say that there are more than a few life changing nuggets in her books!! If you’re interested, also check out “Spiritual Growth”. (Don’t let the generic title fool you) I know it sounds lame but as it turns out, this was one of my all time favorite books for spiritual growth...I guess the name fits. Anyhow, go get this book. You won’t regret it!

By the way, I just found out they’re re-making Sybil for 2009. Coincidence? I don’t think so! Well that about wraps up another edition ! I hope this helps put the pieces of your life together in miraculous ways! Here’s to a bunch of prospering personalities!! Party on!!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall.....

2009-03-01T01:43:00Z

Eating In Again...

2009-03-01T00:00:00Z

Click here to find out what happens when Misty's favorite pasttime goes Bye Bye... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opA-NIfr4fc

...

A Kiss of Death

2009-01-10T12:43:00Z

“Every man dies ~not every man really lives” William Ross

If your goal for 2009 is to live your life to the fullest then spend more time reflecting on your death then you do planning your life!

It may sound a bit morbid at first, but the truth is, when I consider the possibility that I may die tomorrow, my today changes. Suddenly I have permission to do what I want to do. I stop and smell the roses. I take a long lunch and let the housework take a back burner. The incessant talking of my 7 year old that used to annoy me becomes music to my ears and the chilly whip of cold wind that sends shivers from head to toe becomes exhilarating instead of "Icky!"

You see, when I approach today as if it is my last, I’m a lot less likely to rush through the things I’m doing and more importantly, the things I choose to do are actually things that bring meaning and joy to my life and to those I love. When I’m contemplating my impending demise, the “have to’s, should's and supposed to’s of a “ruled” world instantly melt away to make room for the desires of my heart. How exciting is that?!?

One of my favorite movies is called "The Last Holiday" starring Queen Latifah. It's a perfect example of the joy that comes from living like you're dying. My kids know when I'm feeling in a rut because that movie is playing and I'm knee deep in popcorn!

I had the pleasure of hearing Mary Manin Morrissey speak last Sunday at a church near my home and she said something that really stuck with me. She said, “Some people live 90 years. Other people live 1 year 90 times.” Yikes!! I don't know about you, but sometimes 1 year, 1 time is MORE than enough for me!

If your goal for 2009 is to truly live, don’t wait! I happily bestow on you the Kiss of Death. Use it wisely!!
To learn more about Mary Morrissey, visit her website https://www.lifesoulutions.com

And, for a little preview of "The Last Holiday" click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd1GnRZoN2o

Will you Really have a Happy New Year or just talk about it?

2009-01-03T16:52:00Z

I’ve always believed, “Life’s too short to be unhappy.” From a very young age, I can remember creating the plan for my ideal life. When I saw my parents working week after week for long hours and dreading Mondays, I knew that when I grew up I’d make sure to have a job I loved. When I’d witnessed countless people, myself included, entering into marriages because they believed maybe this is good as it gets, eventually I would forge on saying, “If you don’t try Misty , you’ll never know.” The bottom line is that pretty good, fine and okay, have never been adjectives that I wanted to describe my life.


I realized only after attaining most everything on my “Perfect Life List”, that the many hours spent affirming and vision boarding my brains out had somehow not created what I thought they would. Sooner than later the joy that accompanied any success I achieved would eventually fade and I would find myself answering a friendly “How are you? With pretty good, fine or okay.   I lived where I wanted to live, I loved who I wanted to love, had more money in the bank than I’d ever had, but still my life felt just …okay and that...was totally... NOT okay! What I really wanted, and falsely believed those achievements would bring me, was the ever elusive goal behind my goals… the lasting feeling of happiness.

One day, after the sale of my home, I sat in my new house by the ocean, stressing about how to best manage my money. I didn’t want to lose it and be seen as one of those irresponsible “dummies” I’d heard about in social circles and on TV. Then suddenly it hit me how crazy I was. I had spent most of my life afraid I’d never get enough money to take time off and live in an amazing location, and here I was, living my dream, afraid I would lose it? It was crazy! The worry didn’t go away, it had just traded circumstances.

After that, I finally got what all the books and seminars had been talking about when they said, “Happiness is a choice.” As long as I allowed conditioned thought patterns to focus my attention on things that didn’t make me happy, like imaging myself homeless after squandering all my money for example, I would never be happy! So right then and there, my inner world became the priority of my life. I would never be able to control everything that was happening “out there” but I could certainly control what thoughts I let run my life. For a control freak and happiness seeker like me, this was great news!

So, for the last couple of years I’ve devoted my life to cutting out the middle man so to speak. I’ve chosen to bypass the endless pursuit of achievements and material “filler” and go straight for the good stuff…the feelings! It’s been a challenging road, as those of you who are on it will attest, but for any self respecting idealist, it’s the only way to fly. Choosing to be happy isn’t as easy as you might think. It means when your boyfriend triggers an old reaction of fury, and you want to believe, “he never listens, he only cares about what he wants, or other such unhappy thoughts, that you must, for your own well being, decide to change your mind. At first it can feel as unnatural as waxing yourself or jumping out of an airplane, but with time it gets easier and not only will you feel better, but your outside circumstances will begin to reflect your inner changes. Choosing to be happy means never making another person, place or thing responsible for your happiness again, and that my friends, is a far cry from how the masses live.

As a New Years gift to you, I offer 3 Steps for an amazingly Happy 2009:

Step 1.   Ask yourself often, “How am I feeling?”
Our feelings are the best GPS system on the planet and since the goal is to feel joy, fulfillment, and peace, the only way to tell if we’re on track is to check in with ourselves regularly. If your answer to this question is anything less than “good”, determine what you’re thinking about, imagining, or doing that is creating the feeling. The key to this step is gaining awareness of your emotions moment by moment. This can be tricky since many of us have gotten so used to feeling low levels of aggravation, boredom, or confusion, that we barely recognize it anymore.

Hint: Put Post It notes wherever you are most often to remind yourself.

Step 2. Determine Your Focus. “What do You want?”
Are you focusing on the problem or the solution, a need or a want? Once this becomes clear, it’s a no brainer for all you Law of Attraction enthusiasts. Where our attention goes, the energy flows after-all and happiness is the goal right? Imagine what the ideal outcome to the current situation would be and be willing to let go of the mental imagery, thoughts or behaviors that are contributing to the opposite. Changing your mind about something you’re attached to "being right" about can be challenging to say the least, but I’ve found that it’s those beliefs that seem to cause the most misery.

Hint: If you're feeling bad, what you want is usually the opposite of what you’re currently thinking about.

Step 3.Take A Step in the right direction
Even the smallest step away from what you don’t want creates momentum and movement towards what you do want. The awareness in itself is enough to get the ball rolling in the right direction. Every time you catch yourself stinkin thinkin and reach for even a slightly better thought, you’re one step closer to all the love, joy and fulfillment that you could possibly want!

Happy trails!
Misty

The Bird in the Box

2008-06-01T17:32:00Z

How would you answer if you were asked if you live your life on your own terms? Would you say that for the most part you call your own shots, march to the beat of your own drum? Would you say your decisions are based primarily on what feels right to you? Up until a couple of months ago, I would have answered yes to all of those questions. After-all, I've worked many years at letting my internal compass guide me through life. I believed the days of letting have to's, should's, or supposed to's run my life were over but thankfully , the universe has a good sense of humor and an even better way of pointing out where I still have work to do.

One morning, while Chris and I were driving my daughter Gracie to school, a song caught my attention on the radio. Within seconds of listening, I was totally into it. Something in the rhythm created a stirring in my soul and the more I listened, the more I felt moved by the urge to dance. The feeling was overwhelming and for a moment, my eyes closed and I let the beat move me... or at least I thought I did. My eyes suddenly opened and it occurred to me that I wasn't moving at all! In fact, I was actually surprised at how still and straight my body was sitting in the passenger seat. Only my foot was gently tapping against the floorboard.

"Weird!" I thought, rather dumbfounded at this observation. How was it that I could be so internally moved by something, in this case the music, and not show it on the outside??! The answer came instantly and I realized that I had come up against yet another wall of the "Behavior box". Somewhere inside me an outside voice was still dictating its' rules for living that were keeping me from fully expressing myself.

I found it funny and comforting that I had just asked the universe to help me to be more playful in my life and this "dancing awareness" was one of it's ways of answering my request. It was showing me something was standing in my way. It wasn't like I had consciously decided not to dance after all, I just didn't dance because my body was on auto pilot. It was simply following some "rule" of behavior that had been programmed into it somewhere along the way. The " I can dance in the car" option had somehow been deleted and replaced by "dancing in the car is irresponsible, people will think you're a weirdo, only kids dance in the car, you'll embarrass yourself or the other passengers, and there 's a time and a place for dancing, and this is not it! Whew...what a load of garbage!!!!

The tricky thing about deeply embedded beliefs or programs in our minds, is that until we are made aware of them, we don't even realize that they are beliefs or programs. They become just the way it is or our truth. As in my story, I didn't realize that a "don't dance in public" program was running at all!! And dang it....I love dancing!!! All I knew is that I stopped allowing my self to loosen up and let my hair down and I wanted that part of me back. Thank you Universe!

As young children, we didn't have these rules yet. We had no problem expressing ourselves. If we were frustrated we threw a tantrum, if we were sad we cried and if we were happy we'd squeal with delight. It wasn't until we were taught that our self expression "made" someone angry, sad or uncomfortable, that we began holding back or suppressing our natural urges.

My friend told me a story yesterday about a huge crow that flew into her office building one day during work. No body wanted to touch the large bird or harm it by attempting to shoo it out, so a couple of co-workers found a box and placed it over the bird until the animal control could arrive. The crow had been so easy to capture with the box, that everyone thought it must be injured and doubted that it could fly. Interestingly enough, once the animal control removed the bird from the box and brought it outside, it immediately flew away with no sign of injury at all.

I wonder how much we are like the crow in this story. Could it be that perhaps our fear of being hurt by people or the fear of what might happen if we "fly", scare us so bad that we obligingly let ourselves be put into a box? In this lucky crow's case, the support he received from the animal control helped him get back into his natural environment so that he could be free.

This is what Soul coaching is all about! It's a system designed to shine light on the "boxes" that keep us from having the things we want in our lives. When we are "in our box" we are literally in the dark about our situation. This is where the Universe and the Soul Coach step in. The Universe provides the opportunity for freedom and the Soul Coach helps by lending support and guidance to insure your success. What results is a deeply fullfilling life and a joyous feeling that coming back to ourselves brings.

To know if Soul Coaching is right for you, ask yourself these questions.

Do you find yourself wanting more out of life, wondering "Is this it?"

Do you have a dream or desire but you're unsure how to obtain it and want support along the way?

Do you feel confused, stuck, at an impasse and wondering what your next step could be?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then Soul Coaching may be the Universe's way of answering.

I offer group and individual coaching sessions, as well as a number of different options to experience Soul Coaching for yourself. The first Be-YOU-tiful woman's group starts this July and there is also my new "Road to YOU-topia" program available.

For answers to any questions, or to set your appointment for a free ½ hour consultation, email me at misty@thesoulsong.com or call 760-230-4347. Get ready to fly.

If you want to subscribe to Soul-utions Newsletter, click here

A Sight to See

2008-01-23T00:21:00Z

“God does not play dice with the universe.”

Albert Einstein

Used to be, when I’d think of the word magic, I’d visualize sorcerers conjuring up spells or a genie granting wishes from a lamp. Over the past couple of years however, I’ve been lucky enough to see how magic isn’t only what we see in the movies. Magic…real magic, is taking place in our lives everyday. The problem is that we often don’t recognize it without a grandiose *poof* of smoke or a loudly declared “Ta Da!” when the hypothetical rabbit has been pulled from the hat. By sharing this true and quite normal story, I hope you might begin to see the magic behind the things that catch your attention everyday. I hope from here on out, every time you hear yourself say “That was strange, odd, weird, or funny, that you take the time to look a bit deeper , to see beyond the illusion of chance or coincidence and begin to view every conversation and circumstance as the divinely orchestrated magic that I believe they are. What if all timing was perfect timing? What if there was no such thing as accidents? What if every single person, circumstance, or thing that came into your life was the universe’s way of providing the answers to your most prominent questions? I know one thing for sure, what you look for you usually find and what you seek is often right… in front… of your face! I hope you enjoy.

The other morning while sitting in bed and chatting over coffee, Chris said to me, “I’ve been trying to come up with a name for my corporation that really pin points what I do. Wanna help me?”

Loving these types of challenges, we immediately began brain storming. After about 5 or 10 minutes had produced about the same amount of lame names , I picked up the book I’d been reading from my nightstand and let my thumb graze across the end of the pages while holding our question in mind. “Help with a name…help with a name”, I thought over and over again, until at last my thumb stuck on a page. (I know this might sound crazy, but some of my best “divine guidance” has come this way) When I opened the book to find my answer, the page in question was discussing human emotions. It read that people mainly experience the same 5-7 emotions throughout the course of their lives. It also said that whichever 5 emotions were mainly experienced, would directly determine the state of the person’s life conditions. Finding this interesting, yet not getting how it answered my question, I went ahead and gave some thought to what my five main emotions might be. “Hmmm…” I thought. For sure passionate…curious…stubborn (at least that’s what my friends and family say) … and I guessed analytical and annoyed should also be added. Then I turned the question to Chris. “What do you think yours are baby?

He shrugged his shoulders in reply and said, “Oh, I don’t know…optimistic maybe or…..”

“What about focused?!” I blurted in.

Chris’s eyes widened as if a light bulb had gone on in his head and he said, “Yes! Yes! I think you’re on to something. Yesterday I met three blind guys on the plane and they were…”

At that point I couldn’t hear a word Chris was saying. The sudden screeching of brakes in my head had completely drowned him out. I shook my head in amazement and asked, “Did you say three?”

“Yes.” Chris quickly replied, not getting why it mattered and not wanting to lose the momentum of his story. But, as he tried to continue, I interrupted him again. This time I spoke a bit louder and enunciated. “Did you say 3 Blind Men???!

This time the nursery rhyme similarity was not lost on him and we both started cracking up at this strange coincidence. The humor of it, as well as the probability of this meeting actually occurring put my magic sensor on full alert! I mean think about it, what are the chances of that sentence coming out of someone’s mouth? Really!!! So… in childlike anticipation, I urged Chris to continue and not to leave out a single detail!

Chris explained that he had first noticed the blind guys at the gate, when they took seats directly across from him in the waiting area. Their canes and special glasses weren’t the only things that got his attention. The men were also discussing, quite passionately, a business situation that, let’s just say, was less than favorable. Their close proximity made it hard for Chris not to over hear, not to mention that business coaching is not only Chris’s profession, but his passion as well.

Their paths crossed again when…yes you guessed it, all three of the men’s seats just happened to be right behind Chris’s! Again, the complaining commenced and before long Chris found himself unable to listen in silence any longer. He turned around and introduced himself.

Within no time, he had gotten the complete low down of the men’s business problem and said, “I know you’ve already given this a lot of thought, and we’ve only been talking for 10 minutes but I have to ask, have you tried insert brilliant idea here ?”

All three men fell silent and after a long, pregnant pause, one of them, the one that had tunnel vision (no, I’m not kidding… he had actually shared this as his specific diagnoses from the optician) answered, “Actually… no, we haven’t. That’s a great idea!”

Now let me interject a couple of important things here.

#1. These men were not idiots or regular Joe Shmoes. They had already reached a level of success with their business that most of us only strive for.

#2. This is Chris’s gift. Where many people get stuck and are unable to see the forest through the trees…sometimes literally, Chris brings laser focus. In fact, he’s “focused” me so many times, that frankly, to someone who likes to have all the brilliant ideas, it’s a tad annoying. Did I mention that annoyance was one of my 5??

Anyhow…they ended up exchanging business cards and Chris not only gained a new prospective client (which he had also been asking for), but this story…through a small chain of synchronistic events inspired his new corporate name “N 2 sight” Get it? In to Sight??… Ta Da!!!!

I find myself constantly amazed at how seemingly unrelated events have magically come together to complete the puzzles of my life. In fact, at the same time this happened with Chris, I had been asking for a story that I could write that would show how this everyday magic stuff works!! How cool is that?

Could it be that our lives on this planet just evolve by accident?? Absolutely. However, viewing it from that perspective makes the journey rather disempowering and quite boring to boot. Why not choose to believe instead, that when you ask for something you get it? From that place, every moment becomes exciting and fresh. The universe becomes a friendly and accommodating place instead of one that would “waste your time” in an airport, traffic jam, or whatever.

No matter what it is that I’m asking for, be it a relatively small thing like a business name or something big like what the best next step in my relationship, job, etc. might be, the answer always reveals itself. Sometimes it’ll show up in a book that someone recommended or in a place that I’m directed to go. Occasionally it’ll be on a billboard that catches my eye or other times I’ll get an overwhelming urge to do something without a logical reason to back it up. This, my friends, is how magic works and my trust in it has saved me from the exhausting pattern of trying to “make things happen.” Call it what you want…magic, God, The Law of Attraction ... It really doesn’t matter. Thankfully, this magic isn’t dependant upon our belief that it exists. After all, not believing in gravity doesn’t keep apples from falling from the trees, now does it?

Just for today try paying attention to the things that grab your attention and see if you can’t locate the magic within them. In the words of all the great magicians, “Prepare to be amazed!”

The Monster in the Dark

2007-11-03T01:59:00Z

I sat staring at the computer screen as if I’d just received an email from God , trying to appear unbothered by Chris’s request that I NOT help unload the truck. I took a couple deep breaths, attempting to release the rage that was resting in my body and just under my breath. You see it was the weekend of the big move, the one that when finished, would result in Chris and I living together and it was not going well!

The tension had been building since Chris brought over the first truckload of his miscellaneous items the week before. Little “piles of crap”, as I so lovingly called them, began popping up all over my house and so did the old voices and mental movies that had kept us living in separate homes for the past three years. Images of junk cluttered shelves and, broken keepsakes filled my mind. Not to mention the grimy little handprints of 5 kids (Chris has 3, I have 2) on every wall and doorknob. It wasn’t until Saturday morning however, when we started bringing over the big loads that the change really began. I can’t seem to remember the exact time or “violation” that triggered my transformation but it probably doesn’t matter. All I know is that suddenly the veins in my neck began to bulge and my teeth started to clench. My face contorted into that familiar annoyed scowl and a complete loss of my” thought to word filtering system commenced. In an instant I had been transformed. I was once again … The Mess Monster!

I had become the Mess Monster many times before in similar situations. Any time the potential for mess or disorganization was present i.e.; a kid sleepover, arts and crafts day, or as in this example with moving, the monster would show up. The thought of doing extra work or clean up that wasn't necessary always seemed to summon it. To keep the monster at bay, I had developed a set of rules for doing things in order to keep things as tidy as possible. Unfortunately, not only was it exhausting to inform every one of the rules, it was equally as exhausting for everyone to abide by them. So... not only would the monster show up…but with each violation it got meaner! One thing was certain, fun and the Mess Monster never shared the same house at the same time!

Chris has always been unbelievably understanding and obliging to the rules I have. He has never put me down for having them nor has he tried to change my ways. In fact, he’d even gone so far as to say that he appreciated my desire to keep a nice house. But by Sunday afternoon, after being exposed to “the monster" for way longer than anyone should have to, he was sick of it and that is when he requested that I no longer “help” him.

And so it was, me (the monster) on my computer huffing, and him unpacking the truck alone. It was at that point that either he didn’t hear me say to put the last load of boxes into the garage or he didn’t care anymore. So naturally, when I saw him out of the corner of my twitching eye, toting three boxes down the hall towards the already box ridden kid’s room, I bolted from the computer to unleash my fury!

Why are you putting those boxes in there?? I yelled. To which he exhaustedly replied, “Why not?”

“We haven’t finished unpacking the other crap that’s in there yet! How can we unpack when the room’s so full we can’t even walk? “

We bantered back and forth for a minute until I yanked up one of the boxes and stubbornly began carrying it towards the garage. “What are you doing?” Chris demanded. “I’m moving it!” I yelled. “You might not mind living in a pig sty, but I do!!!!!”

In a bitten lipped kindness only he could muster, Chris finally called me out. He said, “Why can’t you just ease up? I’ve been doing everything I can to make this easy for you and all you do is pick apart everything I do that’s not your way! God forbid we have a little fun or laugh or something.”

Everything in me wished I could justify my behavior. I wanted so much to have the words to show him how the whole thing was actually his fault, but the real me, the one trapped inside while the monster wreaked havoc on my relationship knew better. I stood there frozen, mouth hanging open waiting for a come back but all I could say was…you’re right.

I fought back the tears as I confessed to hating the monster I had become that weekend and all the weekends before. I told him how badly I wanted to “loosen up” and be happy too but no matter how hard I tried not to care about that stuff, I just couldn’t seem to do it. It was as if something else had taken over, and my body and emotions just went on auto pilot. I swore that countless times I had tried to talk or figure my way out of acting like that but it never seemed to work for long. At best, my mind over matter technique would provide a temporary reprieve. My desire to lose the monster inside me was strong, but somehow…the monster seemed stronger. I felt defeated.

Chris’s eyes showed his desire to help me through my sadness but I knew there was nothing he could do. I told him I needed to be alone for a bit and went in my room and shut the door. It turns out my soul knew exactly what I needed. It knew I needed to sit with my feelings for a while with no one watching or listening. If I was alone I could let it all hang out, and that’s exactly what I did.

With my energy zapped and not knowing what to do with myself, I plopped down on the bed. Within seconds, I began to cry. The crying itself was unusual as I rarely cry these days and I almost talked myself out of it like I’d done before, saying, “Suck it up Misty!” or something similar. Luckily, the words of the grief counselors interviewed during the San Diego fires echoed in my head. They said, “You must fully feel the loss or grief before you can move on”. So this time… I gave myself permission to be miserable. My crying turned into sobbing and then it happened.

A scene flashed into my head of a time when I was 6 years old in the kitchen with my Mom. I knew the scene immediately because my family still jokingly refers to it as “The Tang Incident.” . I wasn’t sure why this memory came to me being that it seemed totally irrelevant, but I went with it anyway.

The incident occurred while I was making Tang one morning (a popular orange flavored powdered drink of the1970’s) in an attempt to help my mother. While stirring one of the tall plastic cups, one tipped slightly and some of the drink splashed onto the floor. One look at the mess and my Mom flipped!! In a frenzy she began yelling and then threw all four cups of drink into my face, and then the cups themselves.

I stood there frozen, like a sticky deer in the headlights, dripping wet, eyes burning, and completely wounded inside.

I watched the scene as if watching characters in a play. My heart went out to that little girl that was me and I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to tell her that it was only an accident and that her mom was just having a bad day. Then I heard a voice that said,

“Now … play the scene again but this time play it how you would’ve liked it to go. “

And so I did.

This time as the splash hit the floor, my mom turned around with a smile, patted me on my head and said, “Don’t worry sweetie, I have towel right here to clean that up.” Then she gave me a hug and set me back to mixing.

I don’t know how else to explain the feeling that came with that “new and improved memory” but let’s just say that I think my heart smiled.

With that new awareness, I felt a compassion for myself that I hadn’t before. The monster inside that I had hated so much was actually a 6 year old girl trying to protect a belief system. That girl decided that mistakes and mess are bad and that they should be avoided at all costs. With that belief system in place, it s no wonder I would fight so hard to protect it. What started out as a survival mechanism which probably served me well during those early years had become outmoded. My soul had been calling me to shine some light on that part of me I had worked so hard to keep in the dark. I can’t say for sure that I’ll never exhibit that behavior again, but I can say that I know some healing has happened inside me and that is a great first step!

Knowing we are stuck in a pattern that is not working doesn’t usually help us to get out of it. We may try to figure out why we are stuck, but that trying to figure it out often leads us out of our natural rhythm and produces more distress. Figuring out or thinking about our process often becomes a distraction from the process itself. Sometimes it can even intensify the pattern and produce more distress or suffering. After-all, “Where one’s attention goes, the energy flows.” We must finally allow ourselves to be where we are and feel what we feel. This is the path to true healing and my lesson this week. If sharing this story helps one person it was worth writing.

If you would like more information on this subject, I urge you to read “The Twelve Stages of Healing” by Donald Epstein

Or contact one of the certified practitioners that provide Epstein’s exceptional modality of healing called Network Spinal Analysis. A friend recently introduced me to a doctor of this work and without knowing anything about it or even feeling like I needed it, I had one treatment and experienced amazing results! After that, I was hooked!

If you are in the San Diego area, contact the lovely Dr. Anne Jenkins at dranne@myinnerwisdom.com or visit her website http://www.myinnerwisdom.com She can also be reached at (760) 500-7459.

For those of you in other areas, go to www.wiseworldseminars.com and download a list of certified practitioners in your area.

The Phoenix and the Fire

2007-10-26T00:28:00Z

I’m sure that most of you have heard about the fires that are blazing out here in San Diego. It’s been an eye opener to say the least.

Sunday night I woke up to a huge bang upstairs and leaped from my bed to see what the heck was going on. I looked out the sliding glass door and saw my patio furniture and plants all laying on their sides and my wind chimes, the ones that were still hanging at least, were clamoring wildly in some of the most ferocious winds I’ve ever seen. I ran outside to lower my umbrella in hopes it wouldn’t blow away and then quickly ran back inside before my hair whipped my eyes to tears.

I awoke again at about 4:00 am and found that the power was out (thank god my cell phone was charged) and I turned to see Chris lying beside me with his eyes wide opened. The winds had woke him up too and neither one of us could go back to sleep. We began chatting and after about 10 minutes, I got a text from my son James (from his bedroom…lol) reading “I can’t sleep” so I hollered for him to join us in my room. We sat there in the dark for about an hour ,chatting and laughing until we decided it was time to walk over to 7 eleven for a cup of our beloved “ghetto coffee. ”

When we opened the front door to leave, we were surprised to find a muddy brown sky and the very strong smell of a fire. It wasn’t until we went to grab a bite to eat however (the power was still off) that we saw a newspaper and learned just how bad the fires were and the devastation that they were causing. We took a quick drive southeast to get a better look and ended up in Rancho Santa Fe.(Click here to see pictures the pictures that Chris took that James made into a video) We were able to get so close that we could actually hear the fire crackling and feel the heat. It was a bit frightening to watch how quickly it moved and at one point we witnessed a fire pop up not more than 10 yards away from us. Shortly after we left to go home, we found out that a number of our friends had to be evacuated in the middle of the night.

We went back home and for the next 3 days that is where we stayed. The air quality quickly became to poor to breath so we, along with the rest of my neighbors shut all doors and windows and camped out in our houses. The lively beach community in which I live had become a ghost town overnight. There were no people, no cars, no sounds…just grey streets, covered in ash and soot.

After a prayer for all the people that were being affected, Chris, James and I sat inside, playing games, watching movies, and eating to pass the time. (For those of you wondering where my daughter Gracie was, she’s lucky enough to be visiting grandparents in Hawaii)

It was strange what happened during that time of being trapped together. We actually talked and visited. We interacted, laughed and played together. We got grateful together and we got closer together. No longer able to distract ourselves with the usual pursuits of school, work and going places, since everything was either closed or shut down, we got the chance to change our focus to each other. I believe that what happened in my home, happened on a larger scale all over San Diego and even further still. People were forced to interact, to come together. People shared themselves…some by volunteering help in a myriad of ways and some just by being vulnerable and having to reach out for help .In the face of this situation, status, race, gender and age no longer mattered. Suddenly it was just human beings caring about and helping other human beings survive. In my case alone, I received dozens of emails and phone calls from people I haven’t heard from in weeks, months, and in some cases years just to make sure I was okay. Thank s to all of you who did by the way!

I was fortunate enough to catch an interview with a biologist on the news one of the days and what he said was fascinating to me. He said that the plant life indigenous to this area, actually germinates from fire. He said that in fact without fire, it cannot reproduce. The fire is what pops open the part of the plant that holds the seeds so they can be released into the soil. He went on to say that although the fire appeared to most of us to be a disaster due to the homes and belongings lost, it is actually the natural way that the earth and vegetation in this area renews itself.

It made total sense to me since some of the biggest “disasters” I’ve encountered in my life, in hindsight have often been catalysts to new life for me. In my experiences, the new life has usually far exceeded the one I left behind. I’m reminded also of the mythical bird, the Phoenix. At the end of the Phoenix’s life-cycle it builds itself a nest and then ignites it. Both the nest and the bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix arises.

I wonder if this whole thing could be nature’s way of leading us into a new way of life ourselves. Perhaps it’s time to get back to what is truly important in life. Perhaps focusing on the simpler things and feeling gratitude for them could serve us well. I tell you, after 3 days of breathing smoky air through a handkerchief, a breath of fresh air had entirely new value to me once I got one. When something like this happens, the importance of material things seem to fall out of priority in an instant.

In any case, these fires have gotten me thinking and I was inspired to share with all of you. Like they say in one of my favorite Eagles songs, “In a New York minute, everything can change”. And you know what? It does.

Dancing with Danger?

2007-09-01T00:03:00Z

"Face the fear and do it anyway."

When I decided to moved to San Diego I made a list of things I'd do once I arrived. One of the things at the top of that list was Hip Hop class. No, that's not a type-o, it's true. I love hip hop and I wanted to learn how to do it. I found a studio near my home that offered an adult class every Tuesday evening and was so thrilled (most studios only offered kid classes) that I signed up immediately . I couldn't wait for the three days to pass until my class.

Tuesday finally arrived but surprisingly the excitement that I had felt before was suddenly replaced with trepidation. As the day progressed so did my anxiety. "What if I'm the only new person in the class and everyone else is really good?" I thought. Or worse, "What if I'm like one of those people on American Idol that thinks they have talent but really doesn't? " The onslaught of fear continued but at 7:00pm I found myself walking into the studio anyway for my first class.

Nobody was at the front desk when I arrived so I began looking around to find the room my class might be in. I could hear some hip hop music down the hall so I followed it and arrived to find a young group of break dancers spinning around on their heads. "Well that's certainly not it." I thought and continued my way down the hall. Just then, a group of girls (or were they women?) came around the corner. They were hip hop dancers alright! They all wore baggy shorts or sweatpants that rode low on the hips and paired them with tight fiting tanks or T's that perfectly showed off their tiny little waists and tone arms. The ones that wore hats wore them sideways and although kinda grungy and messy, these girls oozed confidence! There were about ten of them, young, confident, and beautiful and as they walked, or should I say struted past me in their knee high laced dance boots, there was no question in my mind or anyone else's that these girls were good! Please God, I whispered. Don't let that be my class!! I looked down at my Capri length sweatpants and tennis shoes and fear gripped my chest.

In a panic, I raced back toward the entrance and this time, found someone at the desk. "I'm here for the adult hip hop class, I said.

"Oh, okay." said the bored looking man behind the counter. "That class is upstairs." he said pointing the way to a staircase I hadn't noticed before. With a sigh of relief, I thanked him and felt my heart beat return to a normal pace.

As it turns out, there were only two of us in the class that night, me and my new friend Colette . It was both of our first class, we both looked like moms, and we were both so busy trying to pay attention to the teacher that we never even noticed how awkward the other looked. When the hour had past we were sweaty, sore from a great workout, and loving every minute of it. It was so much fun!!

When the next week arrived however, I found myself debating if I would go again. I hadn't practiced all week and didn't want to go back until I mastered those moves. What if the teacher thought I had practiced but just didn't get any better? God forbid. Somehow, despite my fear of judgment, I dragged myself to the studio again and managed to have an even better time than I did the first week.

Let me tell you... although it is getting a little easier every week, this love it/fear it thing has become my weekly routine. Every week I leave class elated wishing I could do it every night, but by the next week, I'm afraid again. This phenomenon amazes me. "Why, when I love this class soooo much, do I almost blow it off every week!!?" I wondered.

This is what I came up with;

The more you love something, the more you want to succeed, and the bigger the fear of failure, the more your brain wants to protect you from getting hurt!

You might ask, "Does your brain want to protect you so bad that it would get in the way of your success? The answer is yes! That's its job!

It all goes back to the caveman days when we'd sense something unknown and our brain would perceive it as potential danger and send out the signals to the body to produce the sensations that we call fear. Fear is designed to warn us that danger may be present. In those days there was a good chance we'd get eaten by a saber tooth tiger if we walked into unknown territory. Now days, this is not the case. The good news is that when we understand how the brain is designed to work, we can make better choices when fear shows up. We can ask ourselves, "Is this fear a perceived fear because I don't know what to expect, or is this really something I should avoid because it will cause me death or injury? Once we have the answer to that question, our next step becomes easier. Please note; I didn't say easy...I said easier. In the case of hip hop dancing, aside from a sore muscle or a little embarrassment, I was safe and I refused to let fear stop me!

Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it literally takes every ounce of will power I have to get past that fear, not only as with this example, but with putting myself out there in my business, being vulnerable in my relationship or speaking my truth to someone who might not like it. So what do I do you ask? I take a deep breath, remind myself that I 'm safe and then, in the most believable voice I can muster, say to my subconscious, "My vision and my dreams determine my actions...not fear!" Basically I do what every successful person in history has done before me. I feel the fear and do it anyway!"

Have a fearless week!!! Love ya, Misty

For those of you who want to learn and understand more about our amazing brain and how it works, I strongly recommend John Assaraf's book, "The Street Kid's Guide to having it all". Some of you might recognize John from the movie The Secret. I've read many books and been to countless workshops and presentations, but never has anyone explained the process of creation in a more practical or sensible way. Check out John's website http://www.johnassaraf.com and if you ever have a chance to see him in person, do it! He is AMAZING!

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Misty Jenneiahn is an Intuitive Living Coach. To find out more or to schedule a sample session , contact Misty at misty@thesoulsong.com or call 760-587-9484.

The Real Definition of Insanity

2007-07-09T21:50:00Z

Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

Having been a hairstylist the majority of my life, had I gotten a dollar every time someone sat in my chair and began the conversation with, “I ‘m bored with my hair. I want something different.” I’d be a rich woman. If I had another dollar for every time that sentence was followed by, “but don’t touch the length, my bangs are fine like they are, and just a tad off the sides.” I’d be a zillionaire. It amazes me how often we want something different in our lives, hairstyle, career, relationship, etc. but at the same time, resist the necessary changes to get it. I’ve had many opportunities to study this phenomenon in my own life and found that the changes I resist the most are usually the doorways to my hearts desires.

Let’s face it, many changes we would make in our lives involve a certain amount of risk and that can be a little scary. Questions come up like, “What if I don’t like the change as much as I like what I have now? What if I fail? What if it’s not possible? The better question to ask however is “What if it was possible but I never tried because I was too afraid?

Thankfully there have been many brave souls that have paved the way before us. I lovingly refer to them as ”the guinea pigs of change.” Thomas Edison was one of these courageous GPOC’s . If he had let the fear of failure or the judgmental voices of others dictate his actions, the world would still be sitting around in the dark. The light bulb only came into existence because Edison had a dream and his “Wouldn’t it be cool if…” voice was much louder than the fear based voice of “What if..” He also took what is often the hardest step toward any dream… The First One.

Taking a step towards personal freedom and our desires means first breaking out of our self made cages built of What if’s. A recent trip to the San Diego Zoo gave me a perfect example of how this works.

At the giraffe exhibit I noticed that there didn’t seem to be anything keeping the animals in their area. I saw neither cage nor bars or water filled moats blocking their escape and wondered to myself why they wouldn’t just run away. All they had to do was walk down a very small 4 or 5 foot slope that surrounded their section and they’d be free. With their long legs, it seemed pretty darn easy.

Almost immediately, as if reading my mind, a nearby zoo tour guide said this to her group, “giraffes are top heavy and don’t like to walk downhill for fear they will fall. All the zoo had to do was dig a 5 foot deep canal around their area and the giraffes never even attempt to get out. “ Hmmmm… I thought, very interesting! Freedom is there… waiting, just a few small feet away but may never be realized for the lack of attempt.

Don’t let the lack of attempt be the reason you don’t have what you want from this day forward. Turn down the voice of fear in your mind and turn up your Soul’s voice …it is the voice that dreams are made of! How will we ever know what is possible if we don’t try.

I do my best to live everyday in a state of possibility rather than what is realistic. I want my life to be a testimonial for all the dreamers out there, that living a life of freedom, joy and peace is possible. Hopefully my own “guinea pig” efforts will serve as inspiration for my children so that they will know " if they can conceive it, they can achieve it."

I won’t fool you… sometimes living this way is scary as hell! Many times I feel as if I just jumped off a cliff with no net to catch me or like a blind man feeling his way through the darkness. Sometimes I trip and fall and sometimes it hurts…bad. Fortunately though, or unfortunately, depending upon how you look at it, I’m just not wired to live my life any other way. I tried living the middle of the road life, staying safe, not stirring up the waters. It never got totally crappy but it never got totally great either. The only thing it did get was B.O.R.I.N.G…. just like that damn hair-cut!

Peace, love, and other Hippie wisdom

2007-06-10T19:10:00Z

In my quest for a happy and fulfilling life, I’ve read volumes of books and gone to just as many classes and workshops to figure out how to have one. Within every teaching, in some form or another, the topic of forgiveness and self love would come up. At first, every time I heard it, I’d kinda glaze over, thinking, "Ya, ya, peace and love... kind of hippie-ish isn’t it? Until one day I realized what all those hippies were talking about. As long as we allow our minds to think thoughts that do not make us feel peaceful or loved, we will never be happy all of the time. For no matter how much money, time, wonderful relationships, etc. we have in our lives, if we let thoughts that make us feel bad creep in, happiness will always be short lived. Let me give you an example.

My new friend Kristi invited me to a beach bonfire last night with some of her close friends and family. From the moment Kristi and I met, it felt as if I’d known her forever, so getting the opportunity to meet some of her friends sounded great! I jumped at the offer. My son James, made brownies, I grabbed drinks, chairs and towels and we walked down the street to the beach for the festivities.

One of the women I met there was Amy. As soon as I saw her, I wanted to get the scoop on her. She’s gorgeous, has a wonderful laid back way about her and plus she’s a single mom. I’m always interested in a good single mom story, being one myself. Besides that, Kristi had mentioned to me that she thought I’d really like her and I wanted to find out why.

Our introduction was not unlike many others you might have in a group setting. We engaged in some small talk, got each others kid’s ages and names, established how we came to live in the area, etc. But due to the large amount of people present and lots of distractions, we didn’t get to go much deeper than that. Of course it could’ve also been due to the margarita stealing incident.

It happened to be one of those nights when I just couldn’t keep track of my drink. Every time I turned around, I’d lose it again. So having lost it for the umpteenth time, I scanned the area and ended up grabbing the margarita that was in front of Amy. Why, you ask, would I not assume it was her drink being that is was right in front of her? And why would I think it was mine, even though the cup had a ring of sand on its bottom that mine hadn’t had before? The answer is… I don’t know! But, for whatever reason, I grabbed it and Amy quickly replied, as would anyone who was getting their drink stolen, “Hey, that’s mine.”

Embarrassed by my ridiculous over sight, I apologized and attempted a comical Oopsie! to explain my actions. But by that point, the inner dialogue had already started.

Negative thought: “Duh! What were you thinking? She probably thinks you’re totally rude!”

Me: Yikes…you really think so?

Negative thought: “Absolutely! Besides, you’ve also been reaching over her to get to the guacamole and chips for the last 15 minutes. Honestly, couldn’t you have just gone around? You’d think you were raised in a barn?”

You see how that works? There I was, surrounded by a beautiful sunset at the beach, a lot of wonderful new friends, good food that I didn’t have to pay for, and music by a cozy bonfire. That’s pretty much a recipe for happiness right? Yes it is unless I let it get spoiled by self sabotaging negative thoughts.

After that, I ended up getting called away from the table to tend to the BBQ and unfortunately, Amy left before I got the chance to talk to her again. I woke up this morning wondering if Amy thought I was a manner-less oaf, and feeling kinda...well yucky.

Here are a couple things that help me when I get stuck in “Stinkin Thinkin”.

1. I realize that I’m always doing my best.

This is so true if you think about it for a minute. I mean, it’s not like I plan to do these things after all. It’s not like I go into a situation saying, “Now let’s see…How can I make this as awkward, unpleasant and uncomfortable as possible?” Of course I don’t! Sometimes these things just happen. Why not cut myself a break and treat myself how I’d treat my kids if they found themselves in a sticky situation. I’d never say, “You’re a loser kid. Might as well hang it up now. It’ll never get any better.” On the contrary, I’d probably give them a hug and say something comforting like “its okay sweetie. Don’t worry. It’ll all work out okay. Why don’t I deserve the same understanding, love and forgiveness? I mean really, was my innocent attempted drink robbery along with my intense love for guacamole really something that would keep me from becoming friends with Amy? I seriously doubt it. And even so, would I want a friend that was so judgmental? Probably not. It’s time we stop blaming and looking down on ourselves or anyone else for that matter in situations that seem less than ideal. Start trusting that we‘re all doing our best in every moment to have a happy life. Like they say in the hippie books, “Be your own best friend! “

2. I look for the Message, Gift or Lesson in the Circumstance

I know, I know, you’ve heard me say this a million times but we can never really be reminded of these things enough. When I find myself irritated, angry or unhappy in any way, I try my best to stop and notice what thoughts I’ve been thinking. Am I concentrating on what I don’t like about this situation or am I looking for the message gift or lesson that lies within it (the stuff that makes me feel peaceful and loved)? If I look long enough for the good in something, I eventually find it. It’s always worth the effort too because only “good” stuff makes me happy so why would I dwell on or look for anything else?? The answer is... I wouldn’t, unless of course I was a masochist, really unintelligent, or clinically insane.

This week, make yourself happy no matter what is happening around you. If it helps, you’re even allowed to break out some tie -dye, incense, and a little John Lennon